Ten take-aways from this session:
- Be kind to yourself
- Have stretched/improvement goals
- Is your goal sustainable?
- Know your why
- Be flexible
- Consider the progress
- What’s your process?
- How driven/resilient are you?
- Have you done your risk register?
- Be agile
***The following transcript has been automatically generated and is presented here unchecked***
LinkedIn Live How to make sure that you stick to your resolu…
Thu, 8/18 [3:15]PM • [1:00:45]
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
goal, people, set, new year’s resolutions, nadine, achieve, target, sticking, failing, point, drive, climb, big, year, talked, vicki, landmarks, january, happy, learning
SPEAKERS
Nadine Powrie
Nadine Powrie [00:01]
And we are live, and apologies for being about five minutes late. But then suddenly everything went blank, and told me that I couldn’t go live. So I had to log off and log back in again and create a new broadcast. So a very Happy New Year to everybody around the world who are listening to us. I’m Nadine Powrie, Executive and leadership coach and workplace mediator.
Hi, happy new year. My name is Jenny Loon. I’m a facilitator and generally do lots of things to help support and develop professionals.
Hi, happy New Year to you. Whoa, I’m John Danes. And I want to say that I never quite know how to pigeonhole myself in this section here, because I don’t really know, I suppose I don’t like being assigned to any one particular category. So. So I’m a son of father, a husband and a grandfather. I know, despite obvious appearances. So there you are.
Nadine Powrie [01:04]
Everybody, my name is picture fIying. As always, school inspector, education. Good man. And you’re in July, and then Dubai, but maybe modern, not postmodern. And we’re all in the UK. Okay, so today, I had put up a topic, which was how to make sure that you stick to your New Year’s resolution in 2021. And when I, when I was writing this, I thought, I’m probably going to be challenged by the fact that I’ve said, you know, sticking to a resolution in a world where everything is changing at the moment. And nobody challenged me on LinkedIn, about sticking to a New Year’s resolution. So we’re going to be exploring that the phone numbers and and see what we come up with. And one of the thing that I want to do at the end of this broadcast is to share my screen, because normally, we do the kind of takeaway message I posted on a Sunday, but I’ve actually never shared screen on this LinkedIn lines. So I’d quite like to take the risk today and do it and then see what’s going to happen. So that we that will be my goal for for this broadcast today. So coming back to our topic, sticking to New Year’s resolutions, goals. Who wants to start with that?
Yeah, yeah, well, I never I never make New Year’s resolutions. And I, I’m thinking back to why I never make them. And I suppose because very often we see making a resolution as an end in itself. And that’s probably why the statistics talk about how many people who make resolutions never actually fulfill them. So if I want to change something, or I want to, I mean, keep fit or lose weight are the obvious ones, for me anyway. But promising myself that I will do it in New Year is not going to work for me, it’s got to be something that’s much more integrated. And that happens when I see the need for it to happen, rather than happening rather randomly on the 31st of December, where I have to stay up till midnight, but at one minute past midnight, I’m off. So I think I think that if you set a new year’s resolution for its own sake, it’s not going to work. And I think that, you know, making resolution without a plan is a waste of time. And I think that that’s where a lot of people fall down is they don’t realize, you know, in their professional life, they might action plan, they might do evaluations review and all these things, but in your personal life, you just very often we just set a resolution and leave it at that. So for me, it doesn’t work. That’s not to say I don’t do change things because I do do them, but I don’t do them on December 31 or January.
Nadine Powrie [04:02]
I think I agree. I think if you’re signing up for the event, then you got to be very unsuccessful, I think you have to sign up for the process. And that’s very difficult in a world of instant gratification. You know, I put in some effort here and I want something back. Now. That is possible. But I think without jumping to the next bit that that requires your planning to be very nuanced to allow for that, you know, I’m going to lose weight is not really a New Year’s resolution. There are so many variables to that statement that you’re bound to fail in some regard anyway. And I think the stats are 80% of New Year’s resolutions are broken by February the 14th or there abouts. So they don’t have a particularly good track record. John
Well, I’ll take your question at face value. So how do you make sure that you stick to your resolution? So the first thing, I think, is to pick the right ones, as in or pick the right one. So let’s assume we’re going to make a New Year’s resolution and we’re being kind to ourselves, I’ll come back to being kind in a minute. There’s no point in, in in finding a news resolution, that you actually have no chance at all of achieving. Equally, there’s no point in it being so such low threshold that it’s no effort is required, or that you definitely stick to it, then. But I think there’s some careful thought to regarding choice. And I think, so link to that. And the other thing is, in terms of sticking to them, I think as a, as a race, human race, we’re bad at those small negatives, the small failures from mobile chattering completely, any of the positives that we have. Now in I’ll give you an example, when I was a young lad up until my early 20s. Really, I stammered, and I could go through the day. And if I had a one of the ways that people stammer is that they block, you just unable to get anything out at all. And if that had happened to me once in the day, then I’d consider that to be a complete and utter failure. Despite the fact that the other 23 hours and 57 minutes, I was fine. It’s interesting, isn’t it? And yet that one event has such an emotional baggage attached to it, I had a bad day. Well, I hadn’t had a bad day at all, I had a really good day. So I think there’s a lot of perspective and being kind to yourself in this. If you are going to set some resolutions, then it doesn’t help your your stickability. You’re sticking to them if you beat yourself up every time allow those things to assume bigger proportions. And they really do.
Nadine Powrie [07:12]
I like I like when you say Be kind to yourself, because actually, that couldn’t be the first content of one of our bubble. The takeaway message, I guess I see things a little bit differently, because for me, there is a date, which is important for me, it’s the first of August every year, because it’s the beginning of my financial year, because I have my own business company. So for me, when I set up goals, they start for the for the business, they start on the first of August, I play the game actually, I’m quite happy to, to set to set up goals on the first of January, I think that’s fine. It’s a new year, you know, why not? But I think we should be free to set up goals whenever we want. I think as Jenny was saying, you know, there is no set dates and setting goals, quite personal. And ultimately, it’s about sticking to them for what you really, really want. Because I mean, as I was, as I was looking at the question about, you know, sticking to your goals, and you know, why do you have to achieve them? It’s because actually, sometimes it’s probably best not to because you set the wrong goals, which is another issue. I think setting goals is something very personal and only you know what the best goals are. And if you set the best goals for you, then, you know, yeah, let’s stick to them, and let’s achieve them. But if they’re not the right goals, and sometimes you don’t know, you know, you set them or you set them and then the right one, then it’s fine to tweak to abandon to postpone delay. Because ultimately, you’re just accountable to yourself, when you set them for yourself. It depends which kind of goals so I’m kind of very flexible. I like the challenge of not doing things. I like the challenge of doing things differently as well. And I like to the conformity of Yeah, it’s the first of January. So what could I do differently. And this year, for example, I decided to completely relook at the way I was organizing my email inbox and everything related to my shooter, you know, decided to think about the backup of my computer because actually, nothing is sure with it. And because we’ve spent so much time using it in 2020 I mean certainly I’ve been told Sit on that, then I’ve decided to immediately we look at how I was using it and the backup behind everything. So for me, it’s been a goal I’ve already achieved because because I’ve got the complete raid backup, I think, from iCloud through external hard drive. And I know this is completely materialistic, and, you know, a very, very small goal to achieve. But for me, it was quite important.
Why did you set? Why did you schedule that for the first seven days of January? Nadine,
Nadine Powrie [10:35]
that’s a good question. Um, because I guess, I mean, I love change, right? So if I if I don’t change, I feel something’s something’s wrong. So that’s the first thing. And then because it’s a new year, I mean, it’s probably very silly, because it’s a new year, I quite like to immediately start with a very different habit. And I don’t have many, many goals, you know, on the first of January, I had just couple and one of them was related to it as well. So not not, you know, not a big thing, really. But I guess it’s because it’s the new year. And I’m thinking, Yeah, let’s just challenge 2021 to start with. And also because I, frankly, I want to leave the year behind me. So I want to make a mark straight away in 2021. So, you know, that’s kind of how I’m reasoning myself. It’s not, it’s not a must. I mean, I was very excited about my backup and exploring, you know, I’ve learned things I didn’t know before. Yeah, yeah. So it’s good to be challenged in different ways when you’ve got goals not had in the past, because I’ve never set myself a goal to backup, you know, everything in different ways. So I guess, one of the worries for me is, there’s almost like a social stigma, it’s January, I need to set some goals and New Year’s resolutions. The trouble is, you’re you’re putting yourself in a group, where 80% of people doing that are going to fail. So the environment of that is predominantly one of failure. And that’s what the statistics say. So I like to think you should be constantly setting goals, life is not stagnant, it’s constantly moving. And if you don’t move, it moves past you. Surely you’ve got at least keep up with it. And there are things you can do differently than have to be better. But it might be something different. I think most people walk through lockdown and the seeing a different way of doing things and things in the in the broad sense, I suppose is whether you really want to incorporate that in, in your life. And I was thinking about him. Because there’s this notion of changing behaviors, which I think is about, I would like to get hold of something different. And then there’s the idea of already do something, I would like them to do that better. And I think whilst it’s a goal, that they are different things, one is about taking on the new and it’s exciting. And the other is really thinking I maybe could be at a better level for the things I’m doing. And I think that’s slightly more difficult to do. Because you know, you’ve already got a track record of doing it at a level. And I think you think I should be able to easily do it better. When actually maybe that’s not the case. I should have offended Nick, because just because you said 80 People are failing, and then we come straight away in 2% of people fail. But that
doesn’t make you a statistic, though, does it? percent of sale isn’t isn’t necessarily the agenda you’re going to buy into. But can I?
Nadine Powrie [14:04]
Yes. I just remember that 80% people around you are? Yes. But it’s
about your goals. It’s me. It’s about the I am not not the group. But
exactly what isn’t that exactly what the purpose of the conversation is? So that that again, smaller, because it’s because what people are doing is is taking on resolutions that are not gold,
Nadine Powrie [14:29]
not the science of what you should be doing whether
or not achievable or and then for the reasons that we’ve kind of touched on a little bit are setting themselves up to fail. So being 80%.
Nadine Powrie [14:46]
What I would say is I don’t think people are failing. See, if we were to set goals for people that 80% We would say you’re not failing. Your goal is just too ambitious too soon, ever getting there. No one’s getting without without setup, well, we’d
- Yeah, we’d go by it in a different way, wouldn’t we, we’d approach it in a completely different way. They, they would just kind of drop it open. I don’t don’t know why it’s January and when the start of a year but it comes from the it sounds like I’ve looked this up, I haven’t this is something that I’ve, I’ve I’ve read about a long, long time ago. The word January is, is to do with a Roman God, I need to be careful how I say this, because Janus, or Janice, is that, and he, he that God had two faces on his head. And he would stand at the door, the new year, looking both ways. And that’s the key thing, isn’t it. And that’s the key thing with setting, you’re setting an improvement goal, in that you’re looking back to how you performed in the in the in the past. And then looking at the same time looking forward to see how that would go up moving forward. So that’s that’s what links it with Jan with January, is the is that Roman God thing and the to the to editing, I just thought that was quite an interesting and neat way of working in the need to reflect before you then cast forward.
Nadine Powrie [16:19]
But it’s interesting the language that you’re using, because you’ve just said an improvement goal. And me I’m thinking a stretch goal. Because when I did my, when I did my coaching training, we talked about should I give you a stretch, stretch goal to improve on a little on the little thing?
Well, well,
Nadine Powrie [16:41]
in a way it is the it is the same thing, because we’re asking you to do some things differently. Improving is not for me, it’s not necessarily the same thing as stretching. Okay, when you are improving, when you are improving, it makes it sound as if you are in a deficient mode. Whereas when you are stretching, it could be that, you know, you’re going towards that gift that you know that gold medal.
Yeah, stretching beyond what what you think might be possible as well, aren’t you? Yes, stretch. Just go back to the point you made. Nadine. I’ve been trying to get in ever since which is unusual for me. Now, it was about flexibility. And we were we were talking about making resolutions. And obviously, if we look back over 2020, there must have been more plans in the bonfire than in any other year. And I think that, and we’ve talked a lot about resilience. And we’ve talked about what makes people able to get through these crises. And I think that what I would say in relation to what you were saying the dean is that you’re you’re balancing a very strong achievement drive with a an agile illness and an adaptability to enable your plans to fit in with whatever’s happening at the time. And I think that people who make plans, not necessarily in terms of first, but who stick to them, because this is what we’ve said we’re going to do. That’s the people who are going to become unstuck when the world has tipped on its axis. So I think that the combination between drive agility, and flexibility is really important when you’re setting these goals. And also to make the goals. I mean, I’m a great believer in smartphones. But it also there also needs to be enough of a generalization, which sounds like it’s, it’s, it’s the opposite. But it’s not really so that if I make a specific goal, it can work in a number of different climates. So it can, it can weather the storm. So what if I set a goal, say to lose, we’ve talked about weight as being, you know, an obvious one. If I set a goal to lose a stone, then whatever way the world is tipping, my plans have got to fall in with that. So if it’s raining, I’ll do a gym video. If it’s a nice day, I’ll go out and walk. If I’m feeling really bad, I really chocolate, but I’ll make sure that it’s balanced with everything else. So it’s about having that end goal but having the steps that you’re taking towards it flexible enough to accommodate whatever is going on. Very, very good.
Nadine Powrie [19:34]
But I think you’re right, but that’s what smart is. So the point is, it’s not an event, you can’t set a goal on a Monday and that is your girl come hell or high water because at some point the environment will change and the realism so if you don’t, they see it when you have I think they see it as an event, whether it got a saw Not four is the process. So even I don’t like the idea of saying let’s lose a stone or a pound. I think that’s the wrong start. Prove to me you can lose the ground. Great. Excellent. Right now we’ve got something. Yeah, we haven’t even proved you can lose any weight to put a number on, it seems to be really foolhardy for me. I, you know, I like the I see, goals and targets are closely interrelated. But all my targets, I always say to people, that your landmarks are on the road to somewhere, and you’re just taking them off as you go. Yeah, no one says there’s linear equidistance, between every landmark and the every landmarks got the same, you know, value, I think you have to be realistic, because as we said earlier, it’s very easy to beat yourself up about expectations. I mean, the science is you’re allowed to fail with some of the landmarks. Nothing changes with hitting the end goal with a couple of mistakes. You know, I mean, so
the key to what you’re saying there next to me is that you said for me, for me, this doesn’t work. But actually,
Nadine Powrie [21:06]
the science says,
hang on, hang on a minute, what
you’re saying is that setting a goal in this way, like setting a stone as a target doesn’t work for me, I have to do it in little bits. Okay, that’s fine, but doesn’t work. That doesn’t work for me. The other way works for me, and I think this is it’s it’s it’s psychology, isn’t it is that we’re all different. And we all respond in different ways. And knee, you and I are very, very different left brain, right brain. Okay. So what’s going to work for you is going to be very different from what works for me. And
Nadine Powrie [21:42]
I think the principle of you plucking a number out of thin air is relative to your ability and what you think is achievable. I think all we’re saying is we’re in agreement is about sticking to the smart and making sure that just because the time has moved on, and things have changed, we still have to make sure the goal is relative to the smart,
what would what would a process weight loss. target goal will look like,
I can tell you exactly.
Nadine Powrie [22:18]
I think if you’re the ultimately you have to allow somebody to prove to themselves that they have the ability of losing weight, any weight, then the numbers arbitrary.
So it’s, so it’s how you go about it? Yes,
Nadine Powrie [22:35]
the one of the things they say is if I was to say I’m going to lose a stone, I say, those, that’s the lowest version, the next better version is for you to write down an affirmation statement. And then the one after that might be to get other things involved in it. Set yourself the time a particular gym to go with a friend. Can you sit there, there are ways in which you build up to that, for me, you know, the number is arbitrary.
Okay, can I make a different suggestion is that is that you actually plan it backwards. I mean, I’m a great believer in this sort of planning. So okay, my target is going to be to lose a stone. So if I’m going to lose a stone by in nine months, then you know, I will plan it backwards, put the stone down the end of the nine months, and look back at each two weeks, each week, whatever, and measure or weigh or whatever it is against that. So that if I’m going to lose it nine months, then I know that each month I have to lose two pounds or whatever. We’re all very non non metric here. But I think that by by planning it backwards, in some ways it hits your coming up process. But the small Yeah, absolutely. It is totally a process. And then you know, if you if you go be below a certain weight, you give yourself a little treat, because that’s how that’s how we work. But for me, just just setting a goal with I’m gonna prove first I could lose weight. Well, that’s, that’s a given. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be doing it. But if you do it backwards, then it’s measured against your progress as measured against your final goal. And that for me, that works for me.
Nadine Powrie [24:22]
Yeah, John, do you want to take the comment from Vicki?
We’ve had a comment from Vicki Lim, which is brilliant. Thank you, Vicki. We’re wondering if you heard the start this way. And then the Dean was wondering about whether everybody was just agreeing with with the thing so it’s brilliant that you’ve Yeah, I’m actually saying the question essentially is, why are we setting goals while you know why Why does each question ago? Yeah.
Nadine Powrie [24:49]
Most because if you don’t live sets them for you. It’s very easy to lose control is that to keep yourself in charge of you All life, sometimes you might have to set some goals. So you get what you want or move in a direction, you feel more comfortable. I agree, I agree that it is to keep control of what we can control at time. But you know, result with the middle circle is to is to give control. I think sometimes it’s to keep ourselves happy. I think it’s to keep ourselves motivated. I mean, for example, I’ve just downloaded Google feeds, and every day I walk 5.2 kilometers. And that keeps me happy. It keeps me fit. So there are different reasons why we can set a goal. And I think it’s very, again, I think it’s very personal. So, you know, yeah, it can be to keep control to be happy to keep motivating, motivated to keep fit, you know? Yeah, I
think that the whole, the whole being in control thing is a dangerous, slippery slope, because we’re not in control. Wow. I kind of know, I know, I know what you’re saying. And because I share it, of course, but but but if we think that we are in control, with anything that we’ve learned in this last 12 months shows us that we’re absolutely not, there’s, there’s something far bigger that is that is something that that is capable of interfering, and pushing us and if we, if we have put such, I’m not saying that you’re doing this at all, so don’t get this one. But if people if we’ve one is putting so much store on being in control, then that really is setting setting yourself up for a very difficult, because we’re not ultimately
there’s so much we aren’t in control of isn’t that I mean, I mean, Nadine was talking as an example about going out for a walk, or she is completely in control of that, even if it’s trucking with rain, she still has the ability to make that decision. Yeah. And I think that what is what is proved to be so important in the past year is because these big things out there are taking away a lot of what we have control over. Like we can’t control who we see, we can’t, you know, we can’t go to the pub, we can’t do this, we can’t do that. But actually, if we start focusing on the things that we can do, and setting our goals around, you know, losing weight, keeping fit, learning to sing learning, learning, musical instrument, all these things are within your control. And those are important, I think, personally to stand.
Yeah. So that’s all about selection of, of the thing that you are aiming for, and
recognizing it and actually celebrating that. Yes, you know, don’t get hung up on what you can’t do, celebrate and create around what you can do.
Just to say, I want to just say because I think I may have misrepresented what Vicki said, and she’s been gracious enough to, to offer support supportive correction. So thank you, Vicki. So Vicki saying sorry, that she meant on a personal level? Or that are we connecting with the why of, of, of our goal. So so the original question is, is, so her question was essentially, why are you setting a goal? What’s What’s the why of the goal that you’re setting? What’s the really good
coaching question?
Nadine Powrie [28:46]
Yeah, what’s driving you to set that goal? And I go back to I think it’s very personal. I think it’s down to our DNA, only only we know about, about the personal goal. And this is why I think that it’s, it’s okay to be ambitious with goals, and it’s okay to set courageous goals that are big, providing that you have the mindset that if you don’t quite get there, if you get to 80%, then it’s a huge achievement.
I was just gonna say the same sort of button. I read you I read, you know what, no, because it’s just it if you accept that it’s okay to be one of those 80 percenters failed.
Nadine Powrie [29:37]
I don’t like the word failing.
80% Jam honestly.
But that’s the language reviews towards the start of the thing. Wouldn’t it be at 20 that I mean, what what was the statistic Nick that 80% don’t
Nadine Powrie [29:55]
have given up their New Year’s resolutions for the year.
There’s nothing wrong with Getting something ambitious? If you’re then kind to yourself in that, you haven’t quite reached that. But actually, do you know what I still managed to do? This didn’t come through kilometers. But I did get out and feel younger than 365. Well done.
Yeah, it’s celebrating those successes in the milestones that you make. And that’s why I think this backwards plan is good. Because the backwards plan half the milestones when you’ve got there, that’s your that’s your that’s your mini it’s many goals, isn’t it all the way along? Smart? Which I think
Nadine Powrie [30:32]
your point? I think one of the questions is philosophical, which is a well, it’s your life self deterministic or noc. And I think I’d hate to say that it isn’t, although maybe it isn’t. And I think, from listening to you, I think the danger is it sounds like event again. And I think choosing to do something, once. It’s not it’s not the goal. But the goal surely is about a repetition, being able to go through a number of landmarks to achieve something that you individually feel valuable and you want. And I think John’s point might have been genuine, it isn’t linear. And I can’t divide it up into six neat steps all the time. Because anything can happen. I mean, in the Gulf in my previous life, we used to say control the controllables. After I’ve hit the ball, what happens afterwards has nothing to do with me. Yeah, I agree with that. So I think it’s back to your point about being kind. Yeah, I think that’s the realistic bit, you know, not overreach yourself. I mean, you should all have a go at doing it. But if it doesn’t work, and you miss the landmark, are you resetting the goal? Or do you want to work about catching back up? Because I don’t think failure can constantly not hitting your landmarks, which is what I think happens. In the New Year’s resolutions, I almost feel it’s only anecdotal. But people are under such pressure to make a goal. They actually they wouldn’t make goals like that in the rest of the year, they might be a little bit more sophisticated and sensible. And maybe because everyone eats too much crisps and chocolate over the Christmas, they’re all the goals are about losing weight. And, you know, that’s not maybe maybe I just muddies the waters.
soft target, then,
Nadine Powrie [32:24]
yes. I think it’s, I think it’s interesting to go back to the to the 80%. Neck. Because I’m, I’m interested in in understanding why there are 80% of people who, you know, are abandoning their goals where it doesn’t work for them anymore. Is it because they’re not resilient? Is it because circumstances external circumstances are changing? Is it because they had not anticipating anticipated barriers? And, you know, they have a new fear. And sometime, we are saying, well, actually, you know, 80%, of managing that it sounds negative, but actually, behind that, there is still they’re still growing, you know, maybe through pain, but they’re still black
and white, isn’t it? It used to be that 80% This failure, and that’s why what it doesn’t measure is progress that people have made along there. I mean, another statistics that I’ve got is that 33%, those who commit to plan to planning what’s happening are 33% more likely to achieve their goals. So you know, where does that come in with the 80%. And we can’t legislate or we can’t possibly know unless we do some kind of in depth research as to the reasons why people are failing.
Nadine Powrie [33:53]
Question about why. Exactly. Because, I mean, the notion of habitual change becoming permanent. It’s in the science literature started in the 50s. Some surgeon guy caught Miles was saying that people who had a limb amputated would still feel the phantom limb, up to about 21 days afterwards. And he wondered why it kept coming to this roundabout figure. And he then did some more research. He wrote a seminal paper in the 60s, it said, a minimum of 21 days before we could get behavioral change. But of course, a minimum latest study, say it’s more like 66 days before habit becomes automatic. And I think people have to be genuinely realistic that they might start to get some reasonable habits and some changes, but it’s not automatic where you can leave it and that’s just you know, and I think there’s sophistication about it that maybe these gurus have just made It’s too simplistic. It’s not that easy. And I think if you set yourself up for a really big goal and expect to get there in 21 days, there’s a large likelihood you could be disappointed. procrastinating. What’d you say, Nick? And I think you said that in the LinkedIn post today, you mentioned the 6666 days. And I said to you, oh, I want I want to talk about that, right? Because I want to understand what’s happening in someone’s brain during those 66 days, you know, because as you said, I mean, learning is not linear. It’s just not like that, right? So I’d love to be in different people’s brain to see. What does it look like? That’s habits that is being created. At what point? Is it becoming stronger, more resistant, to some extent? Just say, study, 66 is the average. Yeah, like Jenny’s point about the individual nature of it, or some people had changed in 18 days. And some people it took 256, you know, as individuals, so if you like, the time bit is almost irrelevant. And I think when people say, by this date, I’m gonna have done this, it almost Trump’s, as Jenny was saying, all the progress points, if you look back at all the progress you’ve made, you’d be really positive and you’re going in the right direction, even if you’ve not hit your end target. And maybe they’ve not failed, they’ve just not hit their target when they said, but the time you’re saying the time is irrelevant, actually, the time is irrelevant, because why is it that some people take Well, why is it that the average is 66? And why is it that for some people, it’s going to be 250? You know, days? I mean, that’s a huge difference. And I just, I’m sorry, yes, go, go go, Jenny. Sorry, I
was just gonna say that if the four of us at random for similar backgrounds, but very different backgrounds, very different personalities, very different, ever, more and more differences than there are similarities. If we all decided to set goal X. Whatever goal x was, then we would all progress in different ways and in different paces towards that goal. And I would suspect that, for me, probably the key why the key going back to Vickie’s point is around the why is how determined and how driven Are you achieve that goal? Because if you could take out any one factor that would help or inhibit you towards that goal, for me, it would be about your drive. So within the four of us, knowing the four of us quite well, I would say that chances are Nadine would get there in less than that time. Certainly it would take me I won’t necessarily speak for the German big. Because because I’m not that’s because I would attribute that to drive.
But well, it must it must be in disagree in a minute, Nick. It must be very driven by the degree to which the Y fit with each of us. Yes, yes. Nadine is, is much more driven than I am. But I could find a goal that I would be much more likely to reach than the Dean because it links with my did have I misunderstood?
The I was I wasn’t talking about necessarily us having having the gold because irrelevant. It’s really that whatever your personal goal is, a more personal why that the person was strongest dry, okay, to get to that goal. And 66% That’s what I mean.
Okay, so the goal, the goal has an equally coherent, is equally coherent with with each of our individual y’s, if that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, we’ve all selected something that that means that much to us that we’re all going to. Yeah, okay. Okay. Yeah. In which case, I think I agree with you that,
okay, that’s good. Thank you. Well, I was waiting for you to disagree to smash.
And make sure the way that Nadine approaches things is is very different from the way that I approach things and much more likely to result in her achieving that.
That’s that was my point than me.
Nadine Powrie [39:47]
The only thing I would add to that is because we’re talking about change, I you know, because I’ve come from a sporty background, often an idea with with People at the start, who are not the same people as they are halfway through. So their motivation and drive might require me to have a lot more input in and motivation. But actually, once we’re going, they build and they get more drive, they’re more motivated, they see previous successes and they build momentum. So I think, rather than saying it’s what’s in the pot at the start, I think it’s more about the individuals ability to gain this momentum. Through many successes, they’re really through to, you know, maybe they exceed their goals.
Yeah, for me, it wasn’t about what’s in the pot at the start, it was about who the person is. And I mean, I can think of a brilliant example of this is I facilitate MP Q, SL, N, and P, Q, ml. And this year has been really difficult, I started a cohort or face to face in January, and everybody was all, you know, great, this is great, etc, etc, then came the lockdown and all the issues in schools, and then came a face to face a virtual one in September, October. So they’d have sort of nine months of fairly dry in terms of any kind of interaction, and not many of them turned up. But those of them who did turn up had their motivation completely switched back on, because of that intervention. But what I’m saying is that if you have that drive from the beginning, so perhaps the people who came to that one had a stronger drive than others, because they were able to get through that dry period, with nobody supporting or asking them questions. And I think it’s not what’s in the pot at the start, it’s what’s in your personal Park?
Nadine Powrie [41:50]
Because I’m saying, look, it’s not about the person at the start, because that person is left behind in on day two, then. So are you agreeing? No, no, no, I’m saying, like, don’t wait for that. I’m not disagreeing. I just think it’s more nuanced. I don’t I think it’s, I think the problem is with goal setting, and that people think it’s too simplistic. And I think, you know, their expectations are way off. I just, as I said, I like to see people knocking down targets, proving themselves that they’re capable, you know, we can move the landmarks further apart, you know, and it should do, it’s almost like a stretching elastic band, the more you stretch it, the harder it is to pull it in, people will be like that, I don’t think it’s linear. Every month, it’s the same amount. I think it should move as the person moves. Yeah. I think I agree with Jenny, that it’s related to your own drive. Or you agree that it’s related to your courage as well. Like you, you don’t fear kind of failing, you know, if you’re not getting into your goal by that deadline, you’re okay with it, and you accept that it’s going to take a little bit longer. And I think there is a lot to say about resilience as well. Because when you set goals, no matter what goals they are, there is always the unexpected. And sometimes the unexpected can really, really test you big time, actually, particularly if you already carry a lot of luggage, you know, there is, you know that mental health, what people don’t see. Because there is how we are and how we are internally, okay, in our head. And I think all of that is really important to be able to achieve our goal at some point. So the drive the courage, the resilience, journey, we’re doing a lot of work on resilience. Yeah. And I think that comes that plays a huge role. With with those goals. And the ability to to be agile, I mean, we were talking about the sweet journey, and to respond to, you know, things you’ve not planned. And, and the other thing that I want to make as well as the point because, Nick, you mentioned that earlier on, and I actually agree with you. It’s when you said you know how many times I think you said that sometimes you have to when do you achieve a goal? Is it when you’ve achieved it once? Or is it that you have to achieve it several times? It’s a bit like a science experiment, isn’t it? That you can say yeah, I mean, now definitely. I’ve achieved usability. Yes,
yes, it depends on the nature of the dog. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Vicky’s point because I think she’s following on from what you were saying and saying, looking ahead and having the foresight to identify things that might derail you, creating the awareness early and assess in setting a goal in order to put yourself back on track. And the first time I came across this sort of thing was risk risk, risk risk registers, which, you know, all the time that I was a head teacher, I never had a risk register, or was it even aware of one and then there’s that, you know, the risk register? Well, if this happens, and having contingency plans, and you know, Wragge rating it, and how likely is this to happen. And I think that I totally agree, Vicki, that it’s really important to look at that. But I also think it’s about not getting too hung up on the millions of things that could happen. But having that agility within your goal setting or your process that you are going through, to enable you to sidestep or to get over, or to overcome those obstacles that are that did arise,
Nadine Powrie [46:04]
I would urge the smart target that you know, in itself, has to be flexible, has to be reflective, has to constantly be change with the environment that changes around you that I think I agree it’s all about the individual, because it’s only the individual that can make that assessment. I mean, there’s the Goggins 40% rule. You know, that’s, that says, when you think you’re done, reality tells us you’re actually at 40%. There’s another 60 in there. And that’s where all the high performers and the Navy Seals and people that say, so, if you like, I think I would people have to be resilient. Yes. But I think the target has to be resilient. Yeah, I think as
you said, yeah.
Nadine Powrie [46:54]
If your targets moving, and a bit fuzzy, sometimes I think that’s good. I’d be more worried these rigid targets that stand on their own. They’re no relationship to how you’re feeling, you know, that day you’re having or the environment around you. But I think zoo, I quite like, very, very specific target, that has that have a depth as well. I personally, quite quite like that, because it’s driving me even more, because I mean, for example, the the work that I mean, it’s a silly example. But I did some work, I go back to my technology and my Mac, you know, I had to, to make sure that everything was working fine, and that I had some backup. And and actually, there were a number of very specific technical thing, because I had one Toshiba, external hard drive, I had assumed that my second Toshiba, external hard drive would behave in the same way. So my goal was the same to have two external hard drive on which there are all my files. Okay, well, wrong assumption, because the second external hard drive, didn’t want to behave in the same way as the first one. Okay, I had to do a tutorial last night, you know, to understand why my external hard drive was was was friendly. Now, that’s very technical. I’m not technical at all. And then I understood, then I got it, right. So it’s not a big deal. But it shows that sometimes if it’s very specific, you can achieve it quicker, perhaps. I was just going to go.
What I like about what I like about that is, is that you’ve described, you’ve described a whole series of sort of associate bits of learning that have that have attached themselves to where you thought you were going. So you want so your aim was to get your backup sorted. And it and in order to get there, you had to learn about the way that your backup devices talk to your, your laptop, or wherever it is, and work it through. So you sort of you wormed into that and yeah, that’s really interesting. That takes me back to one of the things you said earlier linked with, I wrote it down where you talked about stretch goals, rather than and I think I liked about that is with with my background working with youngsters and young adults with special need is that quite often that they are successful them is to broaden what they do. rather than to, rather than to, you know, particularly in education, we think success is only measured when you’ve, when you’ve gone further and understood more and achieved that and gone. Actually, actually, for some people applying the same thing to a new context, or broadening what you do, which is kind of what was happening there. And I’ve corrected it slightly is, is is equally important in practice, particularly important for that for that population.
And it’s tiny steps as well, isn’t it? And it’s about it’s about measuring and celebrating those tiny steps as
it is. A lot of people don’t even recognize that that’s progress. Progress is going only then. And actually, forgive me pointing to somebody that’s way off the screen. But but but but you can have progress. Sideways.
Nadine Powrie [50:55]
Yeah. Yeah. This week, I was working with a leader. I did a video about that, because we talk about what a high achiever is. And that leader said to me, Well, I want to perform even better. That’s the goal. And then we talked about, well, what does it mean to perform? What is at what point are you a high achiever? Yeah, well, the ruler of 10 centimeters, where do you hit it? And it was quite interesting, actually. Because I very much wanted to push that person to be very specific, like, what does it look like? When do you when are you a high achiever? And when are you not? When do you just miss it? When are you borderline? Right? When is it tipping? How do you need to be? What a great discussion we had about about what it look like in terms of behavior as well? Yeah, I just had the bit I was trying to work out how do I explain what I mean? And there’s this notion of getting to a new position, can I prove to myself that I can get to a new position? And then there’s this notion of sustaining the new position? And I’ll give you an example. So over a period, could I prove to myself that I could run 100 meters in 10 seconds, and I go, Can I hit it? Yes, I could. Can I do it the next day, but day after the week after. And I think that that’s the thing about habitual goal setting is you’ve got to be able to hit it. But hitting it once is not it, you’ve got to sustain it, move to the new position, you know, own that new position. And I think that, that requires a little bit more nuance.
Unless your goal is to climb Everest, and once you’ve done it, you’ve done it.
Nadine Powrie [52:47]
Ah, that’s an interesting one. Oh,
I’ve got a one of my goals to swim the length of the river. Why must I’ve done it? I’ve done it. If I
Nadine Powrie [52:57]
think it’s a pretty good one, I think there are those almost self actualizing goals in life, things you just do for the sake of doing them. And they’re great goals, and wonder how they work in a company in a in a business context. You know, if you did it once yet, yeah, I did that. Can you do that? Yeah. Oh,
it’s a different sort of goal, isn’t it? Because, you know, all the all the good things that have happened to me in order to be able to meet a swim that I’ve been 50 miles? Once if that if that literally is it, and then I let it drop, those all fade away then whereas if JC were to mean it, whereas if my goal was to become sufficiently my swimming stock sufficiently efficient that I could swim 150 miles, then that’s a that’s a subtle change. Oh, in my it’s enabled me to go for this thing. I’m trying to do it.
Nadine Powrie [53:57]
And it’s
kind of to us that kinda,
Nadine Powrie [54:03]
Yeah, different.
Yeah. Yeah. Fascinating. Hey,
Nadine Powrie [54:08]
that’s amazing. You’re making me think NAT Jones, you know, I’ve always wanted to climb to Kilimanjaro. I actually flew over it once, when I went to Zanzibar. And my dream is to climb it. And so that’s the goal, right? And now I’m thinking so would I want to repeat that goal several time would I want to climb it several times? And I guess I’d say the same thing as you know, I mean, you know, I’ll climb it once and that will sophist once I’d be very happy. So it’s quite interesting as to why some goals. were quite happy to do them just once. But others were quite happy to repeat.
Yeah. And I would recommend that it would change as well be I reckon you would be if you set yourself up of climbing Kilimanjaro. I would, I would like to suggest that you would be a changed person at the end of it. And that would then be the only mountain you ever climb from then on. I should think your habits and your way of life would have changed so that you are popping out to climb the Brecon Beacons with me on or go, we’re going to the Lake District or you and Phil climb, you know, whatever, because it’s become part of your psyche. Yeah, yeah. It’s become part of your raison d’etre. Maybe. Yeah.
Well, you could get so ill with altitude sickness, you resolve never to go up a mountain again. Yes,
whatever it is. Yes. Yeah. Nico, view
Nadine Powrie [55:41]
week seems to have frozen. He doesn’t seem to be with that. Should I share screen with my brothers to see? So So share screen sharing easier with two monitors works best? So I’m not going to. Okay. As it share, did it share? Not yet?
Coming? Yes. Oh, my
goodness. Very busy screen.
Nadine Powrie [56:16]
I don’t even know what you’re seeing. You should be seeing this. Can you see that? Yeah.
Now, yeah, can you make it slightly bigger?
A lot bigger. Somewhere between that and before? Or more?
Nadine Powrie [56:38]
Do you see it?
Yeah, just about? Well, look
closely.
Yeah, um, I need new snacks. Because
Nadine Powrie [56:46]
I’ll have to practice that. So that’s one of my new goal.
seems to be quite, it’s quite jerky, isn’t it between this and the next one? There’s a big gap. It needs to be maybe slightly bigger than this. Well, I need the specs on.
Nadine Powrie [57:05]
Okay. So I’ve taken some notes about what we said in our conversation. So we talked about being kind to ourselves, we talked about having stretch and improvement goals, the sustainability of the goal, the knowing our why being flexible and being agile. They’re looking at the progress and the process. Celebrating that as well as celebrating that. And we can note that that. Thank you. We talked about being driven and resilient. And we also say actually courageous, and doing our risk register. I think that’s really important. So now, if I want to, I’m really practicing here, I’m learning how to not share mice. So now I have to stop sharing my screen. So stop sharing screen, and we are back. Yeah. Yes, yes. Yes. Go
do it’s not to do with your screen sharing technique. But to do with the, your 10 thing is, yes. All right. So I’ve apologized for the first one, put the Y in, in, in inverted commas. Yes. And I wondered whether whether you could combine the two because there was this there was something we’ve we’ve talked around to do with RIA being realistic, as opposed to being aspirational? Okay. I think it might be worth I’m happy for you to completely say no, but I think that’s worth considering. Because people often talk about let’s be realistic. And I think that’s dangerous. A little bit on I get it. But I think it’s dangerous, if realistic is to is to down here. And actually we could, because this whole challenge thing, isn’t there? Yes. Yeah. I mean, we all know that from from our education, schools background dealing with people learning. And so I think there’s a there’s a real realism aspirational continuum that needs to be considered.
Nadine Powrie [59:21]
That’s actually Nick, Nick, John. I like that.
Nick, he’s
Nadine Powrie [59:29]
okay. Okay, well, we’ve been on there since we’ve been live actually for nearly an hour, which is great. So thank you very much, everybody. It just to let the 706 Millions users on LinkedIn know that, you know, in a week’s time, we will be having a guest Lisa Grace Wilson. Lisa is the editorial editor of the Rector of teach Middle East magazine. And she will come and visit us next week. And we will be talking about education. We’ve yet to decide exactly the stance that we will take but very likely to be about education, online learning exams, no exams. So we are really looking forward to that next week. So, Nick, Jenny, and John, thank you so much for contributing to the discussion today. And and I will see you soon.
And Vicki, thank you. Thank you for your contributions. Vicki. That’s been really helpful.
Thanks for doing Yeah, thanks, Vicki.
Nadine Powrie [1:00:39]
Thank you, Vicki.